Dear Shrink,
Upon the island falls a calm,
a gentle breeze informs the population
of what is still to come.
In the eyes of the youth
they see the stories of the past;
the future is imprinted on
their tiny hands, a path, a road.
Their destiny is written in the stars,
it falls like dust, like the first fall of snow
a cold, dark winter’s morning, gentle.
A bunny jumps past, a quite evening,
slow foot fall, the urge to bounce sparks.
A deep breath is needed. A deep slow inhale,
a long harsh exhale.
“Walk on, walk on, please walk on.”
If he likes you he will call.
I’m sorry for the voices in my head
that told me to run, run, run, over the hill,
into tomorrow. It won’t go any further.
I know you aren’t the other lads but
as a bruised peach, I’m damaged goods,
only fit for rejection.
Sitting here, alone, I find my mind wander astray;
to people I have not seen all day;
to their thoughts of me, and what they’ll say;
the titles they will give will be slut, cunt, gay;
I begin to believe the titles, and in each bed I lay,
I make their words echo from day to day.
In the darkness, I hold a concert, I invite every stranger
every acquaintance and distant relation, a harmony
of doubt, sabotage and hate.
Perhaps the hinges on my doors are very well wore.
Perhaps, I’ve talked to too many boys.
It’s just I enjoy the attention. The thrill fills me,
especially on the days when I am all strung out.
But for you Mr. Perfect I’ll change all that,
but you cannot judge the notches on my post,
for if you do, the hinges will have another wear.
Make sure you see all the sites and buy a souvenir,
as it’s unlikely you will be coming back.
The whispers in the wind,
I hear them louder now.
Bees buzz round my head all night.
The signs start to present,
A HEART ATTACK!
To the emergency room,
my family all in panic.
Relief hits when the real cause is found,
it hits all but one. I’m just predisposed.
All you can do is breathe.
IT WAS A FUCKING HEART ATTACK,
of this I’m sure.
Everything is a competition,
I spend the whole day weighing,
one against the other. In pursuit of
equality, trying to equal the field
or tip it in our favour, whichever comes
first. Favouritism, Sexism, Racism,
we say no to all, until it’s swinging our way.
It’s hard to say no when your privileged.
Never know what it’s like on the other side
and never will; until you do.
Right now, rolling dust, floods and
fires, little fires, everywhere fires.
Burns and red eyes, sore bones and
pulled muscles. Ice and up we go again.
All so tomorrow I can close my eyes and say
yes I am up on the mountain peak; where I
deserve to be.
Take it away from me and I will send hounds,
lions, dragons.
I thought I was fine. No stress we have been here before.
However, it was a slow boil. It went unnoticed.
Now I am frantic. Slow the heart, deep breathes.
Be cool,
be calm.
Do you ever feel like life is a series of dark days,
a series of feeling at your lowest,
a series of fuck no I can’t anymore?
Until a glimpse of joy sparks you up again,
a simple fart of a friend and
you are “yourself again”,
even though you feel more at home
in the dark, batman in the light.
